Broken
by gilmoreluv
Summary: Elliot tries to explain his decision to Olivia and learns something he never knew. Because we need more heartbreak after the premiere


**_I know there are gonna be like a million stories after the premiere but I wrote this to give myself a sense of peace. So far I like Warren Leight because he is letting Olivia actually show her emotions and not bottle them up._**

**_anyways i would not let Olivia suffer like that so this is obviously not mine._**

She had gone home after the case. She had gone home after she had broken down in one of the few places where she had always been strong. She had gone home after finding out that her partner had quit without telling her. She had gone home after she got tired of staring at his empty desk. What she was not expecting was for him to be waiting for her at her home.

"Hey" was the only word that formed after she saw him. For some reason everything she had wanted to say to him before this moment had vanished and Hey seemed to be the only word she could articulate.

"Hey"

"What are you doing here?" She eyed him curiously willing herself to not break down.

"I got your calls" he answered simply. He knew she was trying to be strong. To show hide her emotions. It's what she did

That made her angry. He had gotten her calls but he couldn't call her back or answer his goddamn phone.

"Well you know a phone only works if you actually answer the call or call back"

"I needed to do this in person"

She was getting annoyed at his vague answers and she asked once again "What are you doing here Elliot?"

"I came to apologize"

This caught her off guard. What would he have to apologize to her for? So she turned the lock on her door and led them both inside.

Her silence lead him to continue "I came to apologize for putting in my papers"

"Why El you deserve it"

"Not under the circumstance"

She sighed defeated. She was just going to let him know what she was feeling besides it's not like she could hide her emotions in front of him. He always knew what she was feeling.

"Apology accepted, I just wish you would've let me know instead of Cragen. I wish you would've let me know before Cragen and Munch took pity on me. Before I almost broke down in front of the new kid" She was angry. Angry at him. Angry at herself for acting the way she has been acting.

"Liv" he started but he knew she wasn't done

"No Elliot don't Liv me. You could've called me and told me. You have had me hanging on a rope. You had me doubting a victim. You had me doubting Alex. You had me doubting myself. You have had me doubting my job, my ability, you have had me wondering if the only reason I could do my job was because you were beside me because I feel lost Elliot I am so lost and you are or were the only one who can bring me back on my feet"

"Liv you don't" once again she didn't let him finish. She already knew what he was going to say because even though they weren't partners anymore their connection was still there.

" Don't you dare say I don't understand because I do understand. I was there. I saw your face after you shot Jenna. I was holding Sister Peg while she died I understand perfectly." Suddenly everything got quiet and after minutes of silence

"You didn't shoot Jenna, You don't know why I did it" He said looking into her brown eyes. Her brown eyes that were tired. Her brown eyes that were hurt and defeated. For once she let him continue.

"She could've shot you Liv. You were less than 5 ft away from Sister Peg. What if she had shot you next? I wouldn't have been able to live with that."

Her anger once again rose and she was not holding back now. "Elliot are you even listening to yourself. Could've, were, what if. You have to stop basing your actions on possibilities. You have to stop blaming your decisions on me. She didn't shoot me. You chose to shoot her I didn't make you do anything I didn't pull the trigger for you." By now she was yelling. This was too much like Gitano and she would not let him put her in that position again

He was angry too why didn't she understand. Just the possibility of her being shot made him kill. How could she not understand that? "God Liv don't you understand, I don't care if she didn't, she could've and that was enough for me. Don't you understand that I can't live without you, that is why I killed her because I would rather have her die than to watch you die."

That made her heartbreak even more. Now she understood. She looked into his blue eyes that were full of unshed tears just like her brown eyes were.

He went up to her looked straight into her eyes and whispered "How can I be a cop when I would kill an innocent person just because they point a gun at you, when I would rather protect you than protect a civilian. I am not putting the blame on you because it's not your fault. I just can't go on Liv. I'm sorry" Looking at her crying and satisfied he got his point across he walked towards the door but before he opened it she said "I would do the same thing"

He looked at her incredulously. She looked back at him straight at him and said "I would kill for you too, and I hate admitting it because I fancy myself Wonder Woman but I wouldn't be able…I can't live without you either. We are both equally fucked up Elliot"

He went to her and embraced her. This was different than the other two times he had held her in his arms. This embrace had all their emotions pouring out. They were both bleeding out of the same wound and this embrace stopped the bleeding if only for a few minutes. This embrace gave them the illusion that they were going to be ok even though they both knew that they weren't.

Sobbing into his chest she said "don't leave me El, Please don't leave me"

"Never again Liv, never again"

**_Hope you liked it. Thanks for reading :)_**


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